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Post by Storm Killer on Dec 7, 2012 17:15:39 GMT 1
Any feedback will be taken in consideration. So any feedback fellas?  |
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Post by Mikey Killswitch on Dec 9, 2012 20:12:29 GMT 1
All I can say is watch out for the grammer. Try and re read what you wrote and make sure it makes sense. Other then that maybe try and tell more of a story instead of just promoing. Maybe explain the surroundings more. Like instead of "We open up to a gym. A few people are sitting around lifting weights." Maybe try "The scene opens up to a large weight room. There are mirrors on the walls with many numerous machines around. A few people are working out and lifting on different machines. The smell of sweat and confidence fills the room as we turn towards Dynamo who is standing at a machine. He is dressed in a pair of gym shorts, a black tank top, some low top Nikes, and a sweat band. A towel rests on his shoulder as he begins to speak." See the difference? Try and paint a picture for the reader. |
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Post by Princess Paige on Dec 21, 2012 23:31:34 GMT 1
I agree with Mikey. I notice that you switch alot between first and third person. It's often easier to write in third person unless you specifically want to talk about DC's personal feelings. Try doing a Character Development RP that wouldn't be a promo. It might help you out and let us as the readers know a little more about your character. Just think about it like you were writing a short story... and yes, describe more but remember less is more. you don't need to go into very detailed details unless it's relevant to the story.
Sorry, that was rather long winded. I hope that helped you. You can pm me either here or in mpw if you ever have questions. I've been a writing short stories for 13 years so I am more than happy to help you.
Mandy
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